Burnt out? Tired? Just plain sucking wind? You are not alone…many of us living during these stressful times are feeling the pain. Do you find yourself dreading your thoughts as they start to arise on a Sunday evening at home when they begin to remind you about what you have to deal with the next day? It’s hard to keep up the good fight when our work life balance continues to tip in the direction of working more than is healthy, sleeping less than we need, and struggling to calm down our minds in our often chaotic lives. It happens to all of us at one time or another: we lose our Mojo.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, Mojo is defined as, “a quality that attracts people to you and makes you successful and full of energy.” Maybe you are familiar with Austin Powers having his mojo stolen in the 1999 film, “The Spy Who Shagged Me”. More historically, mojo was defined as a form of “magic” or “spell” that one person puts on another with their charisma and charm. In today’s day losing our mojo seems to be more the norm than the exception. If your mojo has gone into hiding, do you even remember the last time you had it?
So what do you do about this? This is more than losing your ability to be sexually exciting to a potential partner, or having zero desire to put on the sexy lingerie for an evening in with your special person….this is about losing your passion in life, your focus at work, or the joy you feel around your family. You feel flat and somehow this flatness is contagious to those around you as they seem to become less interested in you and even bored by you as a result. We all know how exhausting people around us are when they are down all the time. It sucks the life right out of you.
Ready for a solution? You must try your best to snap out of it. I hate to break it to you, but you are the only one who can do it for you. When you have positive energy and vibrance, others in your life will react with a much more responsive energy to you and your life will hone back into focus. You can become re-energized and fired up as a part of this reaction, but it needs to start with you sucking it up and finding yourself again. If your mojo seems elusive these days, try one of the following 7 tricks to finding it again:
1) Get a New Look – How long have you been wearing the same clothes, with the same hair, and maybe even the same shade of chapstick? Sometimes getting stuck in a rut affects how well you present yourself to others in your environment and you can find yourself with a tired look from two decades before. You don’t need a mid life crisis to upgrade your look. Change is good and can help to knock you out of your comfort zone (which is obviously not very comfortable for you with no mojo). You will be amazed at the response you get from others when they notice the effort, but it is more about the response you get from looking in the mirror and realizing you still got it! You can look your best no matter how much you may wish you had less weight, better fitness, less gray, etc. Put the effort into respecting yourself and get it together.
2) Exercise – Yes, I realize I squeeze this point into many of my blogs, but I cannot overstate the emotional charge that a good twenty minutes of an increased heart rate can give you. Give your system an endorphin boost by getting moving. It doesn’t matter how you get it done, but get it done. Get outside, walk the dog, get some vitamin D rich sunshine, and breathe fresh air. Just get that stagnate body moving.
3) Have Sex – Spice up your bedroom routine. (Or maybe you need to actually have a bedroom routine?) Take a few minutes longer to get ready for your partner. Put on a candle, take a bubble bath, get yourself in a sexy pair of boxers, SHAVE (wherever is needed), and see how you feel. If you are flying single, don’t fret and do something erotic for yourself alone. This is the electronic age – you don’t need to be partnered up to have an earth shattering orgasm. This is one of the best ways to improve your mood, cure headaches, and feel positive in your body. This doesn’t need to be a huge production, you can pull this off in a relatively short period of time. Just Do IT!
4) Go Dancing – I promise you that you don’t need to look hip with your funky self to move your body to music. You don’t even need to leave your family room. Crank up some music and close your eyes. See if you can feel the energy in your body as you begin to sway and move. Gyrate, get your groove on…have fun. It is incredibly therapeutic to dance out your moods, feelings, and emotions. There is an entire group of my colleagues in our therapeutic community who only do this type of dance and drama therapy. It works!
5) Watch a Comedy – Laughter is truly one of the most energizing things we do as human beings. Want to know something interesting? You can actually get benefits, and feel an increase in your mood, by fake laughing (if you really have gotten jaded in your ability to pick out a comedy that might work). Lighten up, watch something ridiculous and stop taking yourself so seriously. Hey, you can even watch Austin Powers look for his mojo if you want.
6) Get In The Water – There is new scientific research that definitively shows the positive effects of water on human beings. The term that is being used to describe this total mindful relaxation is “The Blue Mind”. You can google that term and check out what is being said as it’s pretty cool stuff. There is also a powerful new book written by Wallace Nichols that was just released about the calming, soothing effects of the ocean, or any body of water, with the same title. I have shared my new love of scuba diving with all of you in my past blogs, and it is this feeling of pure bliss that is now being scientifically proven.
You can check it out here: http://www.wallacejnichols.org/122/bluemind.html
7) Get Enough Sleep – There is no way that you haven’t seen all of the latest news media around the crucial need we humans have for 7-9 hours of sleep each day that very few of us are getting. Our brains are actually more active during restorative sleep than we ever realized. It is slated to be the number one health problem or “crisis” that faces our next generations. This is entirely in your control if you take the time to practice prioritizing this. Learn to love your bed: get good sheets, a comfortable mattress for your body type, chuck the TV out the bedroom window, and get rid of the illuminating clocks. You have your phones so set your alarm there. Have gentle lights, pleasurable reading, and a calming environment. I suggest doing nothing in your bed that is stressful. Do you work in another room. Your bedroom should be your sanctuary. If you don’t have one set up a sleep routine.
Here’s how to set up a sleep routine if you aren’t sure how: http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/need-sleep/what-can-you-do/good-sleep-habits
So as you can see finding your mojo has everything to do with taking better care of yourself, having more fun, and taking yourself less seriously. Don’t sweat the small stuff (realize it’s all small stuff). We have very little in our control in this life and that continues to burn us out; however, I suggest you think about this lack of control instead as a form of freedom. If we have very little in our control, why not just surrender and decide to make the most of our time, every single minute? Which number above are you going to start with first? Maybe you plan a date with your partner with a combination of #1, #4, and #3 + #6 combined…I bet your mojo would be feeling pretty good after an evening like that. 🙂
Stacey Neil is a Licensed Psychotherapist and Personal Trainer who works in Private Practice in Los Gatos, CA. She can be reached at 408.827.5139…unless she is out looking for her mojo. Then you may need to wait for morning. 🙂