Ending Victimhood: How to Own Your Life


Want to improve your life immediately? Stop being a victim. Stop blaming others for the injustices that are going on for you in your life, work, relationships, friendships, diet, exercise….blah blah blah…. You don’t need to see a therapist, coach, or lifestyle consultant to do this. This is a very simple thing to do, and I suggest that it is in your own best interest (along with the interest of those who care about you) to do it immediately. My experience shows that being a victim is the quickest way to lose all personal power, to be pathetic and to give yourself permission to be unable – or unwilling – to change.

Don’t get me wrong, tragically, there are true victims in our society everywhere including children of abuse, domestic violence partners, and families trapped in poverty; however, I highly doubt that these are the victims you and I know. You know who I am referring to. Individuals that refuse to take ownership of their actions, choices, or the consequences of their behaviors. Victimhood kills personal empowerment. It creates weakness and apathy. For any change to occur the first step must be to take charge of yourself and to stop blaming others for the things in your life that are not going as you wish.


I mentioned that this is simple; however, that does not mean it’s easy. Simple means you can truly change your thinking this exact minute. As you read this blog you can choose to begin to think in an empowered manner. Use words in your head like choice, my responsibility, my part. Be prepared though, that it can be incredibly hard to face yourself, stand in front of the mirror, and see who you really are. When you begin to empower yourself by realizing you are creating your reality, your choices are dictating your answers, and you are exactly as you imagine yourself to be, it is SCARY. You become vulnerable. It is this place of fear; however, that leads to power, strength, and most importantly true change.

Does your partner treat you poorly? Are you feeling sorry for yourself because you are not being appreciated at work? Do you feel like you ended up in someone else’s life, marriage or home? All of these things are on you. We teach others how to treat us, what we are willing to put up with, how open we are to relaxing our boundaries. US. No one else is able to do that “for us”, or do that “to us”. We are entirely responsible for how we are walking around in this earth, treating others, and letting others treat us. We are the only ones who can use powerful words like “yes”, “no”, or “I feel” when faced with a decision.

I do not want to sound unsympathetic and yet we are a society full of victimization. I just believe that we are perfectly capable of changing our lives in any way we choose and in order to do this we need to begin to take ownership of all of our actions. If we constantly blame others, we are never going to change. How can you change something that you are not “doing” but instead is being “done to you”? Yes, you can remove yourself from the situation, but you also need to own your part in all of the dynamics that make up your life.

I challenge you to become empowered today. Shift your perspective by asking yourself what you can do to change the areas in your life that make you feel like they are being done to you against your wishes. Decide you are done playing a role in any unhealthy dynamics and get help from a therapist, coach, or friend if you cannot find your way out of harmful patterns or behaviors. You can choose to have the life you have always imagined by taking charge of yourself and being authentically you.

Yours in Health,
Stacey Neil


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